Find someone like you
One of the most romantic—and most dangerous—ideas we’ve been told is this:
“Find someone just like you.”
Someone who thinks like you, feels like you, vibrates like you.
Someone who shares your codes, your causes, your playlists, your wounds.
Someone who “speaks your same language.”
And of course, it sounds beautiful. Because sameness feels comfortable. Because in the mirror of what we already know, everything feels safe.
But the truth is, most of the time what we’re looking for in “the equal” is not a relationship…
it’s self-confirmation.
When we look for someone “the same,” we’re often not looking for connection,
we’re looking for validation.
Validation that my way of thinking is right.
Validation that my wound is justified.
Validation that I don’t have to change anything.
That “equal” then becomes a projection of our insecurities:
it doesn’t give us what we truly seek, it only reflects back what we already are.
And here’s the trap:
we stay in relationships that don’t expand us,
they just keep us circling around what we already know.
This isn’t about finding the opposite or someone to “complete your gaps.”
It’s about learning to tell the difference between non-negotiables and preferences.
Non-negotiables are what sustain your integrity. The minimum ground where a relationship can grow without harming you. Respect, honesty, care, freedom.
Preferences are the details. That they love your music, that they react the way you would, that they share your exact routines. Nice to have, but they don’t hold a relationship by themselves.
When we confuse preferences with non-negotiables, we end up searching for “equals.”
And in that search, we miss what really matters: someone who, through their difference, invites us to grow.
A true complement is not a flattering mirror.
It’s someone who, from their uniqueness, opens new doors.
Who doesn’t need to confirm your certainties.
Who doesn’t echo your fears, but shows you where transformation is still possible.
And yes, sometimes that hurts. Because intimacy is uncomfortable.
But it’s also the only thing that truly expands.
We didn’t come here to replicate ourselves
We weren’t born to endlessly find our reflection.
We came to create something bigger than us.
And for that, we don’t need someone equal.
We need someone who, through their differences, helps us discover ourselves beyond our own securities.
Ready to go deeper?
If you’re tired of repeating the same patterns and want to reconnect with your desire, joy, and inner clarity, I offer 1:1 integrative sessions where we work together on exactly that. Send me a message to book your first conversation.
