What is about
When you take responsibility for what someone else should be responsible for —their emotions, their pain, their desire— you stop taking care of what is yours: your own boundaries.
Displacement of responsibility happens when the other person’s interests are constantly placed before your own:
“Better not say no so they won’t get mad.”
“So I do something I don’t really want to do.”
“I’d rather help so they don’t think I’m a bad person.”
“And then I drain my own energy instead of protecting it.”
It looks like kindness, but in reality it’s the quickest way to betray yourself.
And it’s also the safest way to guarantee that your expectations will never be met.
We never put someone else first just for pleasure.
We do it because, unconsciously, we believe we’ll gain something in return:
Love.
Approval.
Belonging.
Reciprocity.
Spoiler: it almost never happens. And when it doesn’t, we translate it as not being valued, not being loved, not being understood.
What actually happens is that displacement of responsibility unites two people unwilling to carry their own emotional backpack.
Instead of showing up vulnerable and imperfect, they project onto each other what they don’t know how to hold.
And that’s where the trap appears: “helping,” “being a good person,” or “enduring” stops being a conscious choice and turns into autopilot.
Real choice only exists when you can say both “yes” and “no” without feeling that your worth depends on the answer.
When there is conditioning, internal or external, there is no real choice.
There is automatism.
And no healthy relationship can be built on autopilot.
Ready to go deeper?
If you’re tired of repeating the same patterns and want to reconnect with your desire, joy, and inner clarity, I offer 1:1 integrative sessions where we work together on exactly that. Send me a message to book your first conversation.
